It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
