You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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