Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
