is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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