So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
