I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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