There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
