im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
