arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
