it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
