Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
