Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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