it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
