I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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