who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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