Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
