I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
