made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
