But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
