there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
