walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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