fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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