She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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