Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
