why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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