Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
