well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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