Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
