I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
