Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
