Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize