Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
