Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
