Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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