My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
