M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
