p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
