On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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