So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
