guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
