He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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