how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
