alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Mom said you looked used
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
