Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
