look no pants
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
