What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
