How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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