he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
