remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
