I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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