High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
