I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
