I feel like abortions should bother me more
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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