And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
