***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
