She is in my trunk
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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