My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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