At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i believe in u and ur pee
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
