Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
