I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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