so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
