Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
