K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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