my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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