doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
