please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
