Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize
