When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
