cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
